Being influential is easy when we know how to do it – most people do it effortlessly.
But when we don’t know how to do it, or are confused about what to do, we get stuck.
A common excuse is:
“I don’t know what to say.”
What we really mean when there’s “nothing to say” is:
“I don’t know what words and actions will guarantee a positive response, so I don’t risk rejection.”
If we’re scared to take action, it’s because we fear of how someone will react.
We silently obsess over avoiding [anticipated] rejection – desperate for some magical line which eliminates risk.
Others have something we don’t – confidence.
People who talk about nothing can socialize effortlessly and infinitely.
They speak their mind – they don’t have this fear.
I’m talking naturally right now – it’s not hard – but confidence isn’t the words – it’s the attitude.
Our biggest problem is others tell us what they want – not what they react to.
Everyone wants broccoli – it’s healthy, nutritious, and benefits us – but nobody wants it – it’s boring.
They react to junk food, alcohol, entertainment – they want to feel good now.
Others are telling us to be broccoli – what they logically want – not what will create the results we desire.
Success begins with proper technique – it’s not favors, compliments, flattery, eye contact, and kindness – it’s not pleasing people.
A cigarette smoker can hate the cigarette, junk food – whatever – be unable to stop, even desperate for a “fix” – for decades.
Meanwhile, the broccoli and gym membership get ignored.
Like any skill, walking, talking, reading, writing, music – getting good requires practice – but poor technique leads to poor results.
If we’re walking in the wrong direction, we can put in a lot of effort, and still never reach our destination.
No matter how hard we try, we can’t succeed with bad instruction – so what does work?
Interesting and entertaining communication all shares 2 things in common:
1. Speed. Once we focus too long our attention span gets bored.
Don’t drag out what you say – quickly jump from one topic to the next.
2. Simplicity. All attention thrives on stimulation of emotion.
Texting is by far the most popular form of communication – it follows these rules flawlessly.
Focus on speaking in stories and nouns (people, places, and things) – an example of simple storytelling would be:
“I walked down to the store, past the elevator, the man kicked me out. I forgot to grab my eggs from the Taxi.“
As I said this nonsense, your brain started visualizing, and on some level became entertained.
In any communication we have 2 universal goals:
1. Short, straightforward, and to the point.
2. Engage their imagination with stories.
The first step to success is clarity of our goal – the clearer our goal, the more success we can achieve.