We know starting and keeping conversations going is easy – most people do it effortlessly.
But when we don’t know how to do it, or are confused about what to do, we get stuck.
The most common excuse is:
“I don’t know of what to say.”
But we never learn why we can’t think of what to say.
In reality we always have something to say:
I can talk about this computer screen, the sky is blue, the feel of my fingers on the keyboard – literally anything.
We can say or do whatever we want – our only obstacle is fear – but fear of what?
What we really mean when we say this is:
“I’m scared, don’t know what will guarantee a positive response, and ensure I never risk rejection.”
Our goal isn’t to be ourselves – it’s to avoid rejection – while others express themselves openly.
Our freedom would come in the form of a rejection-free line – but since it doesn’t exist, we’ll spend forever trying – not getting results.
We aren’t being ourselves – we’re literally scared to be ourselves – all we care about is controlling how others react, and avoiding pain that comes from criticism and rejection.
We’re not mentally strong, and never feel like it’s okay to accept, love, and be ourselves – we think there’s something wrong with us.
Instead of focusing on being who we want, we literally try to become whatever will please others – like an addict desperate for a fix.
If they don’t respond, we can become angry, bitter, frustrated, even depressed, for ending up with nothing but wasted time and energy.
To be successful, we must stop doing what doesn’t work, and begin doing what does.
Success isn’t favors, compliments, or flattery, eye contact, or kindness – it’s recognizing what creates results, then following through.
What we think we want – broccoli, and what we respond to in reality – junk food – are 2 completely different things.
Others want us to be broccoli – predictable, comfortable, safe (for them) – what they logically want – but not what they respond to.
Nobody craves or becomes addicted to broccoli – it’s logical – and gets completely ignored.
Success begins with proper technique.
If we grow up learning Chinese with poor grammar, we’ll express our potential incorrectly, wonder why we get poor results, and may never learn how to fix it.
No matter how hard we try, we can’t succeed with the bad instructions – so what does work?
Today, with non-stop texting, messaging, and communication – most people are social experts – but what’s their secret?
Obviously there’s lots of detail – here’s a starter technique to skyrocket your skills (with practice!):
Interesting, entertaining, and engaging communication always shares 2 things in common:
1. Speed. Once we focus too long our attention span gets bored.
Don’t drag out what you say – quickly jump from one topic to the next.
2. Simplicity. All attention thrives on stimulation of emotion.
Focus on speaking in stories and nouns (people, places, and things).
Consider why texting is by-far the most popular form of communication – it follows these rules flawlessly.
An example of simple storytelling would be:
“I walked down to the store, past the elevator, the man kicked me out. I forgot to grab my eggs from the Taxi.“
Simple, engages the imagination to visualize, and holds attention.